This post has been shared by the AdvoConnection Blog. It was written with a patient-client audience in mind, but might be useful to you, too.
It is provided so you can find it in a search here at myAPHA.org, but you’ll need to link to the original post to read it in its entirety. Find the link to that post at the end of the excerpt.
Are You, a Friend, or Loved One “Battling” Cancer?
Those of us who spend much of our time embroiled in some way within the healthcare system are reminded, over and over again, that not everyone sees themselves as a patient in the same way. As in: you say “tomato” and I say “tomahto.” I was reminded of this after reading this article from New York Magazine (BTW – not to be confused with the New York Times or other publications with “New York” in them.) The article is entitled, Here’s What Not to Say to Someone with Cancer. In the article, author Deanna Pai relates her story of suffering through her cancer diagnosis and treatment, concluding that she truly detests the whole concept of “battling” cancer, or fighting it, or “winning” that battle – all of the various ways of drawing parallels between war and sickness. She further hated the advice from friends and family to “stay strong.” Does that mean those well-wishers were wrong to say those things to her? No. Not exactly. Does that mean that such a parallel between strength, and war, and fighting are wrong? No. Not exactly. It simply reminds us that we are all different. We all see our health-challenge worlds in very different ways. That when we are sick, tired, and debilitated, we hear and process words quite differently – differently from the way we would hear them in our healthy lives, and differently from each other. Accepting we are all different, then, for Deanna, her loved ones and closest friends should have attempted to become aware of her feelings on the subject. Hopefully that’s what they did – altered their conversations with her to respect her need to avoid those war and fighting metaphors. In 2004, I was diagnosed with cancer. I’ve been there, and suffered the emotions, including the obvious fear that goes along with such a diagnosis. I’m sure people made all kinds of supportive comments to me about my diagnosis. I don’t remember (that was a long time ago!) – but if I don’t remember, then that probably means is that whatever they said to me didn’t bother me much either. The truth is, my “war” was not with cancer; rather it was with the healthcare system itself. It was the system I had to battle – the labs, the providers, the billing – all those aspects of the system that diagnosed me, then tried to treat me…
