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A Rose by Any Other Name Might Ruin a Client Relationship
Words matter. Descriptions matter. Names matter. And we, as advocates, need to pay attention to words, descriptions, and names – and take steps to use them correctly, and as desired. The problem is – sometimes we don’t know when we’re violating that axiom. I was reminded of this a few times recently, not the least of which caused my husband some consternation. He and I have different last names. We were older when we married, and because I was already professionally known by my maiden name (Torrey), I didn’t want to change my name. Before we married, we discussed my wish to keep my maiden name, and he was surprised I would consider doing anything but keep it! So that was that. However, in these ensuing 10+ years, my maiden name has caused him some pause and opened his eyes. Last week, for the umpteenth time, he was called “Mr. Torrey”, and later that day when our postal mail arrived, and there were two pieces of junk mail addressed to “Mr. Warren Torrey”… Well – let’s just say that he didn’t look favorably upon any of the guilty parties. It’s not HIS name, and he takes umbrage to someone assuming it is. Women, especially, get that. But does he say anything? No. Does he correct the guilty party? Never. He won’t say a word. It brings to mind the many times that we, as advocates and care managers, might trip up on something similar, not even aware, because no one SAYs anything. Even if they hate it, and find it totally disturbing, they just let it go. We all do it. We all make assumptions we should not. And we could ruin a client relationship by using a term or name that your client or his/her caregiver doesn’t like! Examples: Clients have different preferences for what they will be called. We call her “Evelyn” but she prefers “Mrs. Howard.” We call him “Mr. Johnson”, but he prefers “Fred.” Then there is the tendency of some of us to tack “Honey” or “Dear” to the end of a sentence without realizing…